She says.

Handing me a toy, a cup, anything – “Hold me!”

She calls her unicorn stick horse a “my corn.”

She calls her cousins Penelope and Scarlet Leppie and Ska-leppie.

When her father caught her climbing on the bunk beds – “Don’t climb on that!” he said, and she said, “You stopping me?”

When I held the boy and her at the same time  – “Mama has two babies!”

When she stomped and roared around the house – “Who are you imitating?” her father asked. “I.”

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Mastitis. 

105 degree fever. Nausea. Chills and hot flashes and a migraine that made a whump whump noise in my head when I bent over.  red blotchy skin and lumps under my boob.

It started Wednesday night when my husband was out of town.  I though is made a bad batch of chili. then my boob started aching. my left boob. my magic boob. the boob that  the little boy loves more than anything. and I knew it must be mastitis. 

I’ve had mastitis three times with my  daughter, but then the only symptoms I had were the sore boob and fatigue. so I was convinced it was nothing. but when my husband came home Thursday night, I was sitting on the dark bedroom because my eyes hurt from the light ad buried in blankets and holding the boy.  He took my temperature and I tried to convince him it wasn’t necessary because I was freezing to death and didn’t have a fever.

He told me i had a 105 degree fever and told me I had to take off my sweater and take a cold shower.  my teeth were chattering when I stripped down. that was the most painful shower i have ever taken.

He was such a good nurse and very sympathetic to the agony of taking a cold shower while having chills. He woke me up to take tylenol and brought me cold rags for my head. and in the middle of the night I woke up drenched with sweat but feeling much better.

my sister in law and parents and in-laws sent lots of concerned-about-you text messages and that made me feel very loved. 

today was a resting day.  I got antibiotics called into the pharmacy by calling the nurse and midwives at my obgyn. and most of the symptoms are gone, but my boob feels like it’s on fire.

A few nights ago

He was nursing quietly and i was looking at the TV, not paying him much attention,  and then he stopped nursing and said, GUH.  when I looked down, he flashed me the biggest smile I’ve ever seen and tucked his face against my chest and it was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

rain day.

It rained today. 

I didnt feel like cleaning even though the house was a birthday party mess. instead  i just played with her.

i watched her play with  trolls and rediscover a lamb stuffed aninal shed never played with much before. We had a silk veil and ribbon wand dance party before naptime.

after nap we played in the rain. she took out her umbrella and jumped in puddles and picked dandelions.

then she took my hand and led me on a walk down our sidewalk. We blew bubbles on the porch and she ate chalk.

we snuggled on the couch and watched nature cat and she danced along to Debbie Door and when dad came home, I tickled her on the bed until she couldn’t stop giggling. I picked her up and flipped her and she did the wheelbarrow and we played ride the mama-pony.

it was so much fun she couldnt get enough and she cried. I asked if she wanted a hug and she ran into my arms and it was a perfect day. The kind i always dreamed about.

She says.

She picked up two hangers and named one Mama and one Daddy. Daddy hanger said I love you!  Mama hanger said No. Go to the grocery store. 

She ram through the living room on her unicorn stick horse shouting Stomp! Stomp! Stomp!

She spilled a cup of water and I gave her a towel to clean it up and she said, very quietly,  Sorry Mama. I make a mess.  Don’t be mad.

She rubbed her sticky melted ice cream hands on my leg and said, I stick you!

today was her second birthday party. what i remember most clearly from her first birthday party was sneaking away with her father after presents were opened and candles blown out, laying down outside in the grass together and wondering out loud how we had made it through this first year.

The moment I think i will remember from this birthday is standing on the front porch holding her in my arms  as we held our hands out from under the porch into the rain.